The Love of Friendship
by Kiyoi.Aiyoku
Summary: Ichigo is having trouble understanding his emotions and daily life post-war, Renji is forced to step in and help him. Can their friendship survive or will it blossom into something more? Rated M for later chapters. Ren/Ichi My First fic, R&R please!
1. Inner Turmoil

Edit for update - This fic was started a very long time ago, as you'll see in the new chapters. I just want to add that this is now an AR fic if you are caught up on the manga/anime as it was started well before the Winter War had even begun.

A/N: Hey ^.^ So this will be my first ever fanfic, dont expect anything too great :| I've been reading stories on here for a while now (yaoi ftw ^.~)and I'd like to do my best to give back to the community! Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!

This story idea came to me while eating Halloween candy, once it got started it just kinda flowed (very quickly) into something totally different o.o This first chapter is complete and i'm working on the second one now, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Disclaimer: I dont own Bleach or anything associated with it, nor do i own the candy wrapper jokes from the beginning of the story.

_Any text in italics is character thought._

_=Any text in italics surrounded by '=' is zanpakutou's speaking to their wielder.=_

_-Italic text surrounded by '-' is hollow ichigo speaking.-_

* * *

It was a few days into November now; Karakura Town was showing ever growing signs of autumn. The beautiful shades of reds, oranges, and browns littered the trees leaves as the sun was setting signaling the close of a cool autumn day.

Ichigo sat at his desk in his bedroom working on his torturous homework. Normally he would just do it; he'd get it done as quickly as possible so it would be out of the way. Today was not a normal day for Ichigo Kurosaki. No matter how hard he concentrated he couldn't manage to focus on his homework.

It wasn't the beautiful autumn sunset keeping him from his work, nor was it the incessant noise his family was making downstairs. Ichigo had a totally different kind of problem on his hands today.

"Hey Ichigo," Renji interrupted for the umpteenth time. "What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?"

"Boo boos, Renji…" Ichigo muttered with aggravation laced in his voice.

Renji sighed, "How'd you know?"

"I have two sisters Renji, younger sisters. I've heard every single one of these lame jokes."

Ichigo could hear the rustling of candy wrappers behind him. Renji was sitting on the floor digging through a massive pile of candy.

"Ok, ok…how about this one…" Renji began. "Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?"

"They don't have any body to go out with." Ichigo huffed. This was getting really old, but Ichigo knew if he didn't answer the jokes Renji would be stupidly pleased that he found one he didn't know.

"Man you're no fun Ichigo!" Renji almost pouted.

"Some of us have work to do, baka."

"Hey I'm working… I've actually got 3 assignments to complete while I'm here," Renji stated matter-of-factly.

"So why don't you go and actually work on them so I can finish my homework?"

"Ok Ichigo, I'll be back later." Renji then got up and hopped out the window.

_That was strange… a cooperating Renji is a strange Renji…I wonder if he's ok…_

Ichigo was surprised to find that his concentration was no better with Renji gone; he had merely replaced one annoyance with another. For a moment he'd even though that he'd prefer Renji's lack of knowledge of the real word to this. Ichigo was trying to figure out why Renji was actually considerate for once; he was getting a headache just trying to find a semi logical explanation. The yelling downstairs was only succeeding in drowning out his thoughts.

Finally Ichigo had had enough; he stormed downstairs to see what was going on.

"Ichi-nii make daddy listen for us!" Yuzu begged of her older brother as he reached the living room.

"Oh, Ichigo, my son! You won't abandon your dear old daddy will you?" Isshin gushed effusively.

"We want to decorate for Christmas Ichigo, and daddy won't let us!" Yuzu whined. Karin was sitting at the kitchen table waiting for the arguing to be over with.

"It's November…" Ichigo stated. "Halloween just passed…"

"Oh I knew my wonderful son would have my side!" Isshin interjected.

"I don't care what you do," Ichigo continued.

"See daddy! Three against one!" Yuzu cheered.

"Oh I've been defeated!" Isshin cried to the poster on the wall of his late wife. "Why must our children be so cruel!"

"I'm going out, I'll be back later," Ichigo said as he walked out the door, dreading what the house would look like when he got home.

He wasn't paying attention to where he was going; he was simply walking, oblivious to the world around him. Ichigo was enjoying the near silence; he was finally able to hear himself think without interruption. He thought of the peaceful state that both worlds were currently in and how oddly boring it was. After living his life for so long as a shinigami and 'normal' high school student, the lack of a sense of danger made his life feel so simple. The peace was highly welcome, no one was in grave danger and needing to be rescued, all this time relaxing had given time for wounds to heal and bonds to strengthen.

The war had taxed everyone to their limit, many lives had been lost and even more injured. Everyone was glad that it was over, the real world had been saved from the destruction Aizen had planned for it, but the price for saving it was high. Of the survivors, Ichigo was probably having the most trouble dealing with his post-war emotions. Shinigami were trained for this kind of thing, Ichigo wasn't, and he knew that. He had become accustomed to the faced passed life of the shinigami, it helped him deal with the pain, helped him keep mind off of it. Now that hollow were much scarcer he barely had anything to keep his mind off of his emotions.

Quite simply Ichigo felt like he had failed. His only goal in the war was to protect his friends, all of them were injured and even a few had died. He couldn't think of a single person who hadn't been injured, even the members of the 4th division who did their best to avoid combat had gotten hurt. Because of this, Ichigo welcomed the dullness of peace, but he felt like something was missing, like a part of him had been left on the battlefield never to be returned to his heart.

The sound of metal ripping through wood had pulled Ichigo from his thoughts; he looked around realizing he was in the park. He searched for the source of the sound and not seeing or feeling anything strange, he ignored it. Ichigo kept walking through the woods surrounding the towns park, the same sound echoing through the trees repeatedly. Eventually he heard a more familiar sound; he could hear Renji fighting in the distance. He still couldn't feel any reiatsu, not Renji's or a hollows.

Ichigo panicked, he held his shinigami badge to his chest and stepped out of his body. He rushed towards the sounds of battle, he couldn't figure out why he couldn't feel a thing and it worried him. It had sounded like Renji was putting effort into fighting whatever it was so there was no reason the reiatsu should be masked this way.

Finally Ichigo reached his destination, he could hear the battle no more than 20 feet in front of him, but all he could see were the trees, completely undisturbed. Ichigo knew that Renji was highly incapable of using a kidou barrier that strong, his brows furrowed in frustration. He drew Zangetsu from his back and sliced at the air in front of him.

Success, Ichigo broke whatever barrier had been hiding the battle. Now Ichigo had a much better reason to panic, Renji was surrounded by 4 very large hollow and from the looks of it he wasn't doing too good. One of the hollows long tails flung Renji right into a tree causing him to wince in pain and cough up blood. Ichigo rushed inside the barrier and flashed to Renji's side.

"What the hell Renji?" Ichigo demanded.

"I'll explain later…" Renji managed through harsh breathing.

One of the hollow lunged towards them, Ichigo wrapped his arm around Renji's waist and flashed away just in time to avoid the attack. He placed Renji on the ground gently and turned to the hollow.

_Now this is more like it, no one fucks with my friends and gets away with it._

Ichigo activated his bankai, not out of necessity but so he could take care of the hollow quickly and get Renji to Urahara's for medical attention. He rushed at the most wounded of the 4 hollow and took it out in a single blow. He could hear Renji coughing behind him; he had a pretty deep wound on his back and was losing blood quickly. Ichigo knew Renji wasn't in any real danger yet, but if this took too long it could get bad.

Ichigo smiled smugly as he released Getsuga Tenshou and took out another of the hollow, injuring a third in the process. It felt good to fight, it had been almost 2 weeks since Ichigo had even drawn his blade; he almost feared he was starting to act like Kenpachi too much.

He hadn't realized it, but after he took out the last hollow he felt something strange in the area, it was like something was trying to drain his reiatsu. It had been there the whole time, but only now did he pay enough attention to notice it. Ichigo picked a now unconscious Renji up bridal style and left the barrier through the hole he used to enter. He could finally feel Renji's reiatsu, and it was weak, much more so than it should have been from a few simple hollow.

Ichigo flash stepped the whole to Urahara's shop, he was worried now. Renji really shouldn't be that weak, those hollow were strong for being simple hollow, but they shouldn't have even been trouble for Renji.

His mind was once again plagued with thoughts of his departed friends; he had lost too many already. Even though Chad and Orihime were living on as shinigami in seireitei, their deaths were among the most painful. But Ichigo had felt the loss of shinigami friends too; those deaths were just as painful to bear, his lost shinigami friends weren't simply living on in another world, they were gone. Ichigo didn't want to lose Renji too, and definitely not over some stupid hollow.

The thought of losing Renji caused Ichigo's blood to run cold, Renji was one of his very best friends, in both worlds. Sure they were enemies to begin with, sure they fight all the time, and argue over pointless simple things, and they even know exactly how to push each other's buttons. But their bond was nearly incomparable; they had fought side by side and back to back for their own lives and the lives of their friends countless times. They had almost died, together, more times than one could count on a single hand. Heck they even almost killed each other, and moved past that faster than one would think possible.

Ichigo slowed to a walking pace as he reached the entrance of Urahara's small shop.

"My my, if it isn't Ichigo and Renji!" Urahara gushed as he opened the door.

"Renji's h-hurt Urahara…" Ichigo stammered as he walked inside, Renji still in his arms.

Kisuke's expression immediately changed upon seeing the blood dripping from Ichigo's arms. He hurried Ichigo inside and had him take Renji to a room in the back to be cared for. The usually jovial man was very serious when the situation called for it and Ichigo was grateful for that. Tesai and Ururu hurried into the room and shooed Ichigo and Kisuke out. Kisuke knew this could take a while so he made a pot of tea while Ichigo sat at the low table and waited, worry visible only in his eyes, the rest of his face held its normal scowling expression.

"So, Kurosaki-san, what exactly happened? Renji looks pretty beat up and you haven't a scratch on you." Kisuke inquired.

"I…don't know…" Ichigo admitted. "I was almost too late Urahara-san."

"Well you weren't, and that's what matters now. He's in good hands now, so go on tell me what you do know. I didn't even feel the presence of a battle so I'm quite perplexed."

"I was just walking, and I heard noise in the woods, at the park. Once I got close enough I could hear Renji, so I rushed over. Once I got there I could only see the trees undisturbed but I could hear Renji not too far in front of me."

"Kidou barrier I presume?" Kisuke questioned.

"I'm pretty sure it was but I know Renji can't do anything like that…Anyways, I cut through the barrier in time to see Renji thrown into a tree and move him out of the way of the next attack. The hollow weren't anything special, there were 4 of them, strong for what they were but nothing compared what we've fought before…that's why I was so confused."

Urahara listened intently as he poured himself and Ichigo a cup of tea.

"After I killed them," Ichigo continued, "I noticed that it felt like something was trying to drain my reiatsu…it didn't stop until I left the barrier. That was also when I first noticed how weak Renji's reiatsu was. So I rushed here…"

"Very strange, very strange indeed. Hollow can't use kidou and as you said…Renji is incapable of creating such a barrier, and as far as I know no one capable of doing so is around…" Urahara thought intently about the situation.

Now that Kisuke was busy with his thoughts Ichigo had time to think for himself again. He was worried; it wasn't like Renji to get so beat up. Ichigo had a yearning urge to see Renji, to know that he was safe, to know he would be ok. It almost confused Ichigo, that he was feeling so strongly about Renji, but he simply assumed his emotions were going haywire because of some post-war crap.

Eventually Tesai allowed Ichigo into Renji's room; he sat quietly beside his futon. Ichigo stared at the injured man and cursed himself for not getting there sooner. Renji was covered in wrapping and bandages, and bruises. He suddenly felt guilty, recalling that he made Renji leave and how easily Renji had left to begin with.

After waiting around for several hours, Kisuke had finally forced Ichigo to go home for the night. He had told him to come back after school the next day. So Ichigo did as he was told and headed home, he didn't have the energy to argue with Kisuke.

"I don't want to lose you too, Renji…" Ichigo whispered before getting up and leaving the room.

* * *

Omake~

Ichigo- Why do I have to be all emo already? Its alway me being emo! Why cant Renji be the emo one for once ...

Me- Uhhh... Renji is your best buddy ever! and *cough* look how you're acting about it *cough*

Renji- Forget that! Why did I get my ass kicked already? BY STUPID HOLLOW!

Me- Relax Renji... it will be explained! -_-


	2. Unknown Emotions

A/N: Hope you enjoy ch.2! Chapter 3 is started and should (hopefully) be finished within a few days. Special thanks to BonneNuit for being my first ever reviewer!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything associated with it.

* * *

"_I don't want to lose you too, Renji…" _a faint whisper called to him in his sleep.

It was late in the night when Renji had finally awoken; it took him a minute to realize that he was in a place all too familiar to him. There was a pillow next to his futon, he placed his hand on it and noticed it was still warm as if the person sitting there had left only minutes ago.

_Baka, you didn't have to stay so late…_

Renji was glad Ichigo had stayed though, even more glad that he showed up when he did. He cursed the 12th division captain for asking him to try that ridiculous device in the real world. He tried to sit up but winced in pain and fell back on his elbows. At that moment Kisuke entered the room, surprised that Renji was awake.

"Abarai-san, you shouldn't try to get up yet!" Kisuke demanded.

"Bit worse than I thought," Renji admitted.

"Your wounds are quite bad; if not for Kurosaki you may not have made it Abarai-san. He was very worried about you, I practically had to throw him out to get him to go home and rest!"

"Heh," Renji smiled slightly at the thought of someone fussing over him, a slight blush coming to his cheeks.

Kisuke took the seat which Ichigo previously occupied, "So, would you care to explain how you ended up in this…predicament?"

"It was that damn Kurotsuchi-taicho," Renji snarled. "I came here on Kuchiki-taicho's orders but before I left that freak forced this weird contraption into my hands and told me to try it in the real world."

"Contraption?" this sparked Kisuke's interest. Renji could see that horrendous glimmer in Kisuke's eyes, that glimmer that always meant bad things were to come.

"Yah…Nemu said it's supposed to block our reiatsu while fighting. I guess they're trying to find a way to work around the power limits. I couldn't get the damn thing working right at first and once I did it was too late. I didn't even feel the hollow sneak up on me…"

"So instead of blocking your reiatsu, what it did was drain it. You got caught off guard and it all went downhill from there?"

Renji sighed, "That's what I just said."

"Well get some rest now Abarai-san, we'll talk more in the morning." Kisuke got up and left the room, leaving Renji to himself once again.

*

Ichigo sleepily made his way to his door, barely noticing the decorations his father and sisters had been arguing about. He felt totally drained, and he knew he shouldn't be that tired from a few hollow. He blamed it on the lack of available fights lately.

Ichigo made it to his room, changed into some sleeping pants, and laid on his bed. He tried continuously to fall asleep, but no matter how hard he tried he failed. Sure he felt drained, but he realized he didn't actually feel tired. Deciding he wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon, he got back out of bed and started working on his previously long forgotten homework.

He could only do so much before images of his friends would, again, pop into his head. Ichigo worried profusely about Orihime and Chad, they were the ones he had failed the most. Ichigo had finally (almost) accepted that his shinigami friends lived only for the exact reason that they died. It was the duty of the shinigami to protect both worlds from people like Aizen, but Orihime and Chad were different. They were only even involved in the conflict because of Ichigo, if it weren't for himself, they wouldn't have put their lives a risk in the first place.

Even though it was almost like they simply moved away to a different world, it didn't feel like that to Ichigo at all. He'd never see Orihime and her ridiculous foods at school again, he'd never see Chad passively stand up for the little guy in the class when the bullies picked on him. He did his best to focus on seeing them in Soul Society one day, but that had only made it worse. A single tear he could no longer hold back fell down Ichigo's cheek and landed on the object in his hands.

He hadn't even noticed that he'd picked up the bandanna Renji left on the edge of his desk earlier that day. Ichigo held it to his nose and took a deep breath in, relishing in the scent of Renji.

_Argh! What the hell am I doing?!_

Ichigo decided he was acting like a girl and that it had to stop. He gave up on the remainder of his homework, the only thing homework succeeded in doing was making Ichigo think of school and his lost friends. Laying back in bed, bandanna still in hands, Ichigo tried to focus on things other than school. Finding that the thing his eyes kept traveling to was in his hands.

Ichigo inspected the white bandanna; he recognized that it was the one Rukia had given Renji for his birthday earlier in the year. Upon unfolding it he noticed the strawberry print on the inside, Ichigo scowled at the offensive fruit. Only once he paid more attention did he notice the small pineapples thrown in with the strawberries, he smiled a bit at the pineapples, he loved teasing Renji about his crazy hair.

_I can't believe Renji is actually using this thing. The blush on his face was priceless when Rukia gave it to him; he never would show us why though…this pretty much explains it…but why would Rukia give Renji something with strawberries on it?_

Ichigo wracked his brain into sleepiness and finally drifted off to sleep.

*

"_I don't want to lose you too, Renji…"_ Renji replayed the quiet voice in his head. He felt bad for Ichigo, after all he was still just a kid. The shinigami were trained to deal with this kind of situation, they were trained to remain detached from battle and simply move on. Sure it still hurt a great deal to lose friends, but they all knew it wasn't their first loss and it wouldn't be their last.

Ichigo on the other hand, he fought for his emotions, they are what drove him to fight. It was as if he fought with his heart held in the palm of his hands. If his heart wasn't in the fight, he couldn't succeed. His emotions were directly linked to his resolve. Renji could very easily see the bad state that Ichigo was in, most people never took the time to notice how perceptive Renji was.

Perceptive Renji may be, comforting he was not. Renji knew he never knew the right thing to say, he knew he'd never known 'when' to say something; he always said the wrong thing or said it at a totally wrong time. Growing up as an orphan, Renji didn't have a parent to show him affection and teach him to be affectionate. He took care of his friends by beating the crap out of anyone who messed with them, but there was no one he could beat up to help Ichigo.

He and Rukia came to Karakura Town together about a week ago. Rukia came because she had a few days off and wanted to see the 'strange' holiday the humans called Halloween. Renji came because Byakuya had insisted the Kuchiki records for the human's world be updated. Said records were over 150 years old, which is why the shinigami were so out of tune with the humans. Byakuya should have been the one doing this, really, but he refused to mingle with the civilians of the real world so he pushed his work onto Renji.

Rukia had returned to Seireitei the day after Halloween, but not before placing another task in the hands of Renji. He now had to spend a 'to be determined by his taicho' amount of time collecting information for the Kuchiki records, retest the weird machine from the 12th division, and complete Rukia's task, the one he feared the most.

Rukia wanted Renji to help Ichigo get past his emotional problems, he knew Rukia felt guilty, she blamed herself for Ichigo's predicament. Renji loved Rukia, like a sister, but it was still a very deep and profound love; so naturally he'd agreed to help, to make her feel better. Unbeknownst to Renji, there were ulterior motives in Rukia's request.

Rukia really wanted to help them both, she knew more about these two boys than almost anybody else. It wasn't widely known, but Renji was in fact bi-sexual; it wasn't as if he'd ever tried to hide it, he just never flaunted it either. Renji had a crush on Ichigo for quite some time, the bond the two boys had formed through their battles was immeasurable; and Rukia was the only person who actually knew Renji liked Ichigo. Rukia was indeed suspicious of Ichigo as well, in all her time with him she'd never seen him hit on a girl. Ichigo was overly shy when Yoruichi would change into her human form in front of him, and just as shy when Rangiku would simply flirt with him; he always turned his head and tried to avoid the situation, this left Rukia believing that he wasn't interested in women.

She intended to push the two boys into a situation where they were forced to reveal their feelings to each other. That's why she exaggerated her guilty feeling when asking Renji to help Ichigo out; she knew he'd buy into it. Rukia really was worried about Ichigo, and she really did feel bad but she knew he would get past it and that he enjoyed the life she'd given him.

*

"_I don't want to lose you too, Renji…"_ he played it over in his head again. There was a desperate, almost needy tone in Ichigo's quiet whisper. Ichigo didn't know it but what he needed was a shoulder to lean on, Renji knew that the young man tried to carry his burden all on his own. He had to find a way to make Ichigo share his pain, and open up so he could move past the painful things in life.

"_I don't want to lose you too, Renji…" _again Renji relished in Ichigo's simple words. Renji thought about his friends back in Seireitei, almost everyone had a person they shared their pain with, Kira and Hisagi, Ikkaku and Yumichika, Shunsui and Ukitake, even Soifon had Yoruichi when she needed her.

_We all need a shoulder to lean on Ichigo…let me lend you mine…_

With that thought Renji was once again consumed by the darkness of sleep. He'd finally figured out how he would help Ichigo.

*

The next day at school was torture for Ichigo; he couldn't get the red head off of his mind all day. Everything he did reminded him of Renji. By the end of the day he was exhausted, not only had he gotten to bed late, he had woken up almost every hour once he finally fell asleep. Ichigo wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was having nightmares, regularly. The images of his friends dying would torment him as he tried to sleep, every night, so his body adjusted to waking up so often he didn't have time to dream.

Ever since Renji and Rukia had been in town the nightmares had lessened but weren't completely gone. Having friends near him had helped him get a bit more sleep recently, but the past night was as if he had completely relapsed, back to the state he was in immediately after the war. He had vivid dreams of the deaths of people who did and didn't die, waking in a cold sweat with every death, images of Renji dying had plagued him more than any other.

Ichigo was relieved when the final bell rang, he intended to head straight to Urahara's shop but was stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the school ground gates. None other than the one and only Renji Abarai was waiting there for him. Ichigo almost smiled, seeing that Renji had recovered so quickly, but he caught himself before it actually happened.

"Renji," Ichigo said as he approached.

"Oh hey Ichigo. Sorry about yesterday…and thanks…" Renji looked towards the ground as he spoke.

"Huh, what are you thanking me for? You'd do the same for me." Ichigo started walking towards home; Renji fell comfortably in stride with him.

"You're right, I would…"

"Renji are you ok? You've been acting strange…"

Renji raised a tattooed eyebrow in confusion.

"You've been all…" Ichigo waved his hand as if Renji would understand what he meant, "all nice and cooperative…it's not like you." Even if Renji was a complete idiot, Ichigo was happy to see that he was ok.

"I don't know what you mean Ichigo."

"Oh forget it," Ichigo huffed. He gave up on that for now, he'd figure it out later; the two made small talk the rest of the way home.

*

Upon reaching the Kurosaki residence, it was Renji's turn to be shocked. He had stopped walking just before turning onto the walkway leading to the front door; he was mesmerized by the small shining lights bordering the whole building. Renji was indeed a man, a very grown man, but every once in a while something would catch his attention that would put him in childlike state of amusement. This was most likely due to the lack of a real childhood; Renji had been forced to grow up fast to be able to survive, so Ichigo found Renji to be undeniably adorable when the child inside him lit up those red-brown eyes and that rare innocent smile of natural amusement graced his lips.

Wait, what? Renji? Adorable? No way…Renji was nothing but an abrasive cocky idiot, how could Ichigo possibly find him to be adorable? Ichigo shook his head, as if to shake the thoughts away.

"Come on Renji!" Ichigo barked from the doorway, irritated with himself for thinking such a thing.

Renji finally came out of his reverie, jogging slightly to catch up to Ichigo, he was well aware that the younger man wouldn't hesitate to lock him out. "What are those …shiny things, Ichigo?"

"They're Christmas lights…are you guys really so sheltered to not even know what a light bulb is?" Ichigo's tone was mocking and showing irritation.

Renji hated when Ichigo was in this kind of mood, to an on-looker it would just look like the normal banter the two boys frequently shared, but Renji could always tell when Ichigo was only being mean to hide his own pain.

"You're such an idiot," Ichigo mumbled as Renji tried to lock the door and failed. "You can't even lock a damn door…"

He definitely hated it, but Renji tried not to let it bother him because he much preferred this Ichigo to the one who was obviously depressed and would barely talk, like when they had first discovered that Orihime had been kidnapped by Aizen. Renji never wanted to see that look on the young boys face again.

"Sorry Ichigo, the locks in Seireitei are a bit different." Renji admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

The sincerity in Renji's words cut at Ichigo like a blade directly through his heart, he was being unnecessarily mean about a lock…a lock.

_Ichigo…you're the one who's an idiot._ He thought to himself. He shouldn't be taking his anger out on Renji…his best friend, who was only trying to help.

"Here…" Ichigo attempted a softer tone, still sounding a bit snappy, "let me help you."

Renji's heart fluttered, he hadn't expected Ichigo to realize how he was acting so it had caught him off guard. A slight blush graced his cheeks as Ichigo reached past him and showed him how to work the lock. Renji only hoped the younger male hadn't noticed.

Trying to distract himself, Renji tried to change the subject, "Uh, a buncha' the guys are gonna be at Urahara's tonight, being Friday and all they'll have sake. They want us to come, you up for that Ichigo?"

Ichigo thought for a minute before answering, "I guess…" Ichigo recalled how simply being around Renji and Rukia had helped him so much, maybe seeing the rest of the guys could bring some light back into his world.

Renji smiled and blushed further; his plan to get Ichigo to open up might not be so difficult after all, he had thought he'd have to drag him out of the house to get him to socialize.

"You better not be just trying to get me drunk like last time Renji," Ichigo added.

Last time Ichigo had gotten drunk with the guys from Seireitei he had to spend a week in the 4th division before he could go home, the guys tended to get rowdy when sake was around. Seeing the inside of the medical division was the last thing Ichigo wanted right now.

"Heh," Renji chuckled, "everyone just wants to relax tonight, and catch up, you know."

*

* * *

Omake~

Renji- Why do I have to be the one that always looks like a total idiot?!

Ichigo- Maybe it's because you are…

Renji- Just like you're always emo!

*angry glares at each other*

Me- Now now boys…be nice! You have a party to get ready for! … and did I mention the very interesting night ahead? No? Well that's ok … ^.^


	3. Nightmares

A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed, favorite, and subscribed! You all make me want to keep writing more and more! :D

My apologies if the beginning feels a bit too wordy, I couldn't find a way to effectively describe the situation without it being that way or ending up way too long.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything associated with it.

* * *

The whole gang was already gathered at Urahara's Shop by the time Ichigo and Renji showed up. The crowd was significantly larger than Ichigo had expected, Hisagi, Kira, Iba, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Shunsui, and Rangiku had already been drinking. Scattered among the crowd of regular drinkers were a few who clearly came by force or to supervise, this included Nanao, Hitsugaya, and Ukitake. Momo, Isane, Rukia, and even Soifon were among the crowd. Much to Ichigo's surprise Urahara himself, Yoruichi, and Tesai even joined the large crowd, but most surprising was the presence of his own father.

Sure, his father had eventually revealed his shinigami powers, it was practically necessary during the war. The Gotei 13 was forced to accept the assistance of anyone willing and capable. It was strange though, to Ichigo, his father simply fit in here, with these people. He wasn't being his normal idiotic self, but more of an adult amongst adults. Since the war Ichigo had a newfound respect his father, he'd always had a serious side to him when absolutely necessary but this was almost a totally different man.

Ichigo was astonished by the size of the crowd, when Renji had told him the guys were coming for a few drinks he'd expected the regular crowd of 5 or 6. Much to Ichigo's surprise, Renji looked a bit shocked himself. Despite their initial reaction, the two boys fell comfortably into place among the large crowd of people.

It was shocking to see so many high ranking officers in the real world at once, especially for leisure purposes, but Ichigo didn't see them that way anymore; these people, among the strongest of Seireitei, were nothing more than comrades to him, on equal ground. And for this particular night, that's exactly how everyone acted, just like friends. There were the usual hot headed fights between the guys, the gossip between the girls, and everyone wanted to know how everyone was doing. It appeared that this was the first time most of them had off since before the war, Ichigo imagined that their offices were filled mountains of paperwork even still.

Ichigo wasn't even surprised now when the senkaimon opened again, Kenpachi was dragging two very angry taichō behind him while rambling about even the freaks needing a day off. Said 'freaks', Byakuya and Mayuri, were followed by Nemu and Yachiru. It took a while to calm the two down but thanks to Urahara and his inventions, it was a success.

Within only a few hours Hitsugaya had managed to freeze the entire room several times, and by the 5th time, people had decided it was time some of them get going. Considering the various states of intoxication, it took the group a while to clear out. Hisagi, Kira, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, and Ichigo were the only ones remaining around the small table by 2 a.m. A short distance away, a few of the 'more adult' shinigami remained conversing for what looked like the first time in years.

Ichigo could almost see the bond the adults held; he could imagine himself and his friends like that one day, all grown up and retelling stories of their past. He could only image what these people had been through together; even though outside appearances make them almost appear to be enemies at times, their connection was unmistakable. Shunsui, Ukitake, Isshin, Urahara, Yoruichi, Byakuya, and Soifon were the only ones left by this late hour.

"Yo, Ichigo…" Renji attempted to get his attention.

Ichigo simply stared at the adults marveling in a future he'd never before thought of. Yoruichi turned slightly and winked at Ichigo, blushing, he returned his attention to the friends he was sitting with.

"Yo, Ichi." Renji tried again.

"What?"

"What are you staring at?"

"He's checkin' out Yoruichi-san," Ikkaku interrupted.

"No I wasn't!" Ichigo snapped at him.

"Then what? Or shall I say who?" Yumichika inquired.

"No, no! Nothing like that!" Ichigo paused blushing slightly at the thought of Yoruichi; he still couldn't get the images of her ...transformation from his head. "I was just thinking, that's all."

"You mean you know how to do that?" Renji taunted. "We all thought you went brain-dead with the way you been acting lately."

"Shut up Renji, I've been acting fine!" Ichigo retorted.

"Don't try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone, kid," Ikkaku commented.

"That's what separates us from them, you know," Yumichika added, nodding in the direction of the other table.

Ichigo looked in their direction, trying to figure out what that comment meant.

"They learned long ago," Hisagi said while also looking in their direction, "what we're only beginning to learn now."

Ichigo looked back at his shinigami friends, he was beginning to understand what they meant, their actions spoke in volumes that their words would never reach. Kira leaned ever so slightly towards Hisagi, who in return, leaned inwards and placed a gentle hand on Kira's forearm.

"That's right," Ikkaku said as he scooted towards Yumichika and put his arm around the smaller mans shoulders. "They know the difference between sharing a burden and fully relying on someone else."

Kira looked up from the glass he had been staring intently into, "One must be able to stand not only alone, but with his team as well. It's a fine line but an important one to balance on."

"Rely too heavily on others, and you fall when not in their presence; rely too heavily on yourself and if you go down, it all goes down," Renji reluctantly added to the conversation, it was as if he hadn't wanted to push it too far, to give away the real purpose.

"Yeah, I might always ask Yumi to let me fight alone, but I always know he's right behind me, waiting to catch me if I do fall. Took me too long to learn that." Ikkaku turned his attention to Yumichika after that.

Ichigo had always known the reality of the age difference between him and his shinigami friends; but to listen to a conversation like that, between people who barely looked older than him was mind-blowing. The maturity they managed in the conversation was equally shocking, especially since they had been drinking all evening. They weren't speaking directly to Ichigo, making him feel uncomfortable; instead, they spoke amongst themselves, allowing Ichigo to listen.

Many bottles of sake later and it was time to go home. Kira had passed out in Hisagi's lap and Yumichika finally couldn't handle the intoxicated Ikkaku any longer. The remaining party-goers were staying at Urahara's for the night; it was too dangerous to send the intoxicated shinigami through the senkaimon. Ichigo and Renji made their way back to Ichigo's place, this is where Renji was staying while stationed in the real world.

They had barely made into Ichigo's bedroom in one piece, stumbling the whole way up the stairs. Once Renji's futon was laid out on the floor below Ichigo's bed, they both lay quietly waiting for sleep to consume them.

"Hey Renji," Ichigo broke the silence.

"Yah Ichi?"

Ichigo decided to ignore the nickname and say what he was going to say instead of start an argument, "Thanks…for making me go tonight."

"No problem Ichi," Renji smiled, it wasn't a big step but it was a step in the right direction.

*

_Ichigo awoke before dawn in a trembling cold sweat, breathing hard to try and calm himself. He looked over the edge of his bed to make sure he hadn't woken Renji. Much to his surprise, the futon was empty. He looked around the room for a sign of Renji, something didn't feel right and it caused Ichigo to panic. He got out of bed and turned on the lights, revealing a rather large pool of blood where Renji should be laying and a trail leading out of his room._

_Ichigo rushed through the house, looking for signs of life anywhere; the house was empty. Ichigo followed the blood trail out the front door. It was still dark out and his eyes still hadn't adjusted, he stopped and rubbed them. Something oddly warm dripped on his shoulder and ran down his bare chest._

_Drip…_

_Drip drip…_

_Drip…_

_Ichigo wiped his hand through the liquid to stop it from reaching his pants, looking at his palm, his mind froze._

_Deep crimson blood, his first coherent thought, "Renji." He turned around, eyes held tightly shut, dreading to look up. After building his courage, Ichigo opened his eyes and found his father lifelessly laying over the edge of the roof, blood dripping from multiple large wounds across his body. He jumped onto the roof and pulled his father away from the edge, searching for any signs of life. _

_There was a very light pulse, and then his father's eyes opened. Isshin grabbed Ichigo's wrist, startling him._

"_Ich..i..go…Karin … Yuzu…" Isshin breathed hard and low, his voice hoarse. He pointed down the road as best as he could. "Go... to them…"_

_Ichigo's eyes widened in shock, conflicted because he didn't want to leave his father but the thought of his sisters in danger tore at his heart._

"_Go!" Isshin demanded with as much force as he could muster up._

_Ichigo was reluctant to leave but followed his father's command and jumped from the roof anyways. He started to run down the street searching for any signs of his siblings._

…_More blood trails…_

_As Ichigo followed the trails his mind ran wild, his worst nightmares were becoming a reality. He came to a split, one trail leaded off into the town park, the other to what would eventually reach Urahara's. He went into the park first, upon reaching the soccer fields his mind stopped yet again._

_Karin was impaled by something large and black, something that was all too familiar to Ichigo, in the center of the field. He rushed to his sister's side and pulled Zangetsu from Karin's stomach; she coughed up a large amount of blood, but remained unconscious. Knowing there was nothing he could do for Karin in the middle of a soccer field; he picked her up and rushed back towards the other blood trail._

_He could tell she wasn't dead, but she needed medical attention immediately. "Just hang on Karin…" Ichigo breathed, as he held her tight to his chest._

_The town felt empty; as Ichigo ran through the streets, he couldn't sense a single life force. It was as if the entire town was dead, nothing remaining. _

_As Ichigo reached Urahara's shop he was met with nothing but more dismay, the whole storefront was covered in blood. He rushed inside hoping to find a sign of life. The interior of the store failed to provide more hope. The walls were covered in even more blood, they were littered with holes as if a large battle were fought right there._

_Ururu and Jinta were lying sprawled across the floor behind the candy shelves in pools of blood. Urahara's hat was on the floor in the doorway to the back of the shop. Ichigo, still carrying Karin, stepped over the hat and into the back, the door to the shop's basement was open and also coated in blood. Ichigo's mind raced, there was just so much blood, even more than he remembered in the war. It was covering everything; it had to be from multiple people, multiple people who were most likely dead from that much blood loss._

_He couldn't hold it back any longer; tears began to fall from his eyes. As he raced into the basement, he began to wish he hadn't. The normally well-lit area was dark like the night outside and had an ominous feel to it. Ichigo stepped off the bottom step, expecting to feel the normal sandy floor beneath his feet. The ground was muddy and wet. Ichigo gently laid Karin at the base of the stairs and drew Zangetsu from his back. He bent down and felt the ground; pulling his fingers near his nose, he could smell the coppery scent of blood plaguing the area._

_There was a soft white light in the distance, Ichigo carefully made his way towards it. Once he got close enough to see, he could tell that it was an open senkaimon. Something growled quietly in the area ahead of him, where he couldn't see. After listening carefully for a moment Ichigo could tell that it wasn't just growling, someone was alive and trying to get his attention._

_Ichigo rushed towards the sound, its words becoming clearer._

"_Ichi…go.." the voice groaned._

"_Ich…i…go," again. Renji, that was Renji's voice!_

"_Hang on Renji!" Ichigo practically begged, looking into his friends half closed eyes._

_Renji was bound by thick chains and hanging from a large rock. Looking around for a safe way up, Ichigo noticed many other figures riddling the darkness. He jumped onto the rock and slashed at the chains, flashing to catch Renji's lifeless body before it crashed onto the floor._

"_Just hang in there Renji! I'm going to get the others down too, I'll be back!" Ichigo rushed around the dark room freeing anyone that he could see. Everyone he cared for was right before him on the brink of death, Renji, Rukia, Orihime, Chad, Uryuu, Yoruichi, Urahara, and the list went on to include nearly all of his friends, shinigami and human alike._

_Ichigo was on the verge of a mental breakdown, he didn't know what to do, the best he could do medically was clean and bandage wounds but he knew that wouldn't even help treat these injuries. He cried out in frustration from the feeling uselessness. He rushed back to Renji, he was at least conscious, maybe he could help Renji._

"_Ichi…go…" Renji mumbled again as Ichigo knelt by his side. _

"_It's ok Renji, I'm right here, I'm going to get you out of here!" Ichigo said as he picked the larger man up and started to make his was back toward the stairs. Ichigo could see the life slowly fading from his best friend with each step._

"_Renji…don't leave me here alone," Ichigo practically begged._

"_Ichi…go," Renji mumbled hoarsely, blood dripping from his mouth as he spoke, life continuing to fade. _

"_I..chi …"_

*

"Ichigo!"

*

* * *

Omake~

Ichigo- … … … that's not what I expected when you said an interesting night was coming up!

Me- Sure I wasn't clear…but it's still interesting don't you think Renji?!

Renji- *mumbles and groans*

Me- oh yah…he's still dying…Anyways stay tuned to find out the fate of Ichigo's friends and how his sanity holds up!


	4. Comfort and Confusion

A/N: Hello again! My apologies for taking so long to update, and even more for this being a short chapter! I've been quite busy lately and hadn't the time to work on writing I'm also at a loss about where I'd like to take this story, I originally had plans for it to be quite long with 10+ chapters but I'm not so sure now. I'm to the point where I have to decide if I'd like to work only with Renji and Ichigo's relationship and finish up the story or if I'd like to extended it and throw in some obstacles for the boys. You opinions would be appreciated!

Thanks for all the reviews and your patience!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or anything associated with it.

* * *

"Ichigo!"

"Ichigo!"

"Ichigo wake up!" Renji shook Ichigo trying desperately to wake him.

Ichigo was breathing hard, his heart rate quickened, he was sweating, and tears were running from his eyes. Renji panicked, he had to wake Ichigo up! Renji rushed from the room to get cold water and ice. While he was rummaging through the kitchen, Ichigo woke up. It was just like his dream, he looked over the edge of the bed and Renji's futon was empty.

Ichigo screamed in anger and frustration, "Argh! Renji!" he closed his eyes and made a fist, punching his bed he cried out again, shaking his head to try and remove the images, "This isn't real! It's just a dream!"

Renji heard the noise upstairs and rushed back to Ichigo's room.

"He's not dying, this isn't happening! It's all a dream! Renji's not dying! He can't be!" Ichigo grimaced in protest, closing his eyes tightly, refusing to see those horrible scenes again.

Renji rushed to Ichigo's side and sat on the bed with him. "Ichi…it's ok I'm right here, I'm fine," Renji tried to comfort the younger man.

Ichigo slowly opened his eyes, tears still unwillingly falling from them, his breath deepened further at the sight of Renji. Ichigo reached up slowly, as if he didn't believe what he was seeing was real, and touched Renji's cheek ever so lightly with the tips of his fingers.

Renji smiled, "It's ok Ichi, it was just a bad dream." He put his own hand on top of Ichigo's and placed the boys hand flat on his face."See…We're fine."

Ichigo's eyes were wide and teary still; he gave Renji a look of childlike defeat before lowering his head to hide his eyes from the view of the older male. Ichigo sniffled, trying his hardest to hide the fact that he'd been crying.

"Ichigo…" said Renji, as softly as he could.

"I'm fine just leave me alone!" Ichigo snapped back at him. Ichigo didn't want to be seen in his current weak state, and the fact that the person who was seeing him like this was Renji, made it even harder to accept. Ichigo couldn't understand why it was difficult because it was Renji, they were best friends after all and it shouldn't be so strange to see each other in such a state every once in a while. Even still Ichigo felt like something inside of him was breaking. Renji's glare, even though as gentle as he could muster up, was piercing through his body, making Ichigo want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever.

Renji wasn't sure how to react; he'd never dealt with a crying friend on his own before. When Kira cried, Hisagi was always there, and when he was young, Rukia was always there. Renji had had his share of nightmares since the war too though. He hadn't had any as bad as Ichigo's it seemed, but he could remember a time when they were that bad. Renji thought back to what he had done then to get through the night those many years ago. Yes, that was it. It was his friends, Renji's friends had helped support him when he felt weak, never mocking, simply helping him grow stronger.

"Ichigo," Renji began softly, "will you let me help you? Just this once even?"

Ichigo looked up at Renji, confused, defeat still clear in his childlike expression.

"You can't carry it all on your shoulders alone," Renji scooted back onto the bed better and held his arms out to Ichigo, offering his embrace. "Let me lend you mine tonight and take some of the weight away."

Ichigo was reluctant at first, but Renji's tone was serious; he was grateful that the normally mocking shinigami had a sensitive side. He fell comfortably into Renji's warm embrace, resting his head on the larger male's chest. Renji wrapped his toned arms around the smaller male's frame and hugged him firmly, not saying word hoping the contact would be enough. Ichigo was glad that Renji wasn't asking questions, he didn't want to have to explain anything.

Ichigo sat as quietly as possible for a few moments, it had been a very long time since he was this close to another person outside of battle; even longer still since he was this close to a male. He felt slightly strange, being hugged, but once he paid more attention to the feeling instead of his thoughts, it began to feel natural.

Affection wasn't something Ichigo was accustomed to, 'affection' from his father came in the form of a kick or punch in the face, and being embraced this way didn't feel the same as the hugs he got from Yuzu. He finally managed the stop the tears and slow his breathing but still he didn't dare to move. Renji felt that Ichigo had finally relaxed and sighed quietly in relief.

"Do you feel better Ichigo?"

Ichigo only nodded in reply, he did feel better, but he was afraid his voice would be too shaky if he tried to speak.

"Sorry I couldn't help more…I never really have the right thing to say…" Renji admitted.

Ichigo gathered the confidence to speak, "No…thank you Renji…" Ichigo's voice trembled lightly as he had expected.

He felt the larger male smile above him, "Anytime Ichi."

The two remained in this position for quite some time, neither had even noticed that they'd fallen asleep, so when the morning sun shone brightly through the bedroom window waking them, it was a bit of a shock. Even more shocking was the shifting of their positions during their sleep; Renji was laying on the bed with Ichigo held tightly by his side, Ichigo had his head on Renji's chest and arm wrapped around his waist, their legs also were intertwined. The two boys embarrassingly slid out of their mangled positions and proceed to dress in awkward silence.

After an awkward breakfast of dodging questions about 'why he and Renji were acting strange' Ichigo decided it would be best to try and avoid Renji for a while. Ichigo was confused to say the least, first he'd been overly comforted by his mere presence, then he'd been overly worried about the possibility of losing him. Ichigo though that his idea of Renji being 'cute' because of his stupidity was the last straw, but much his disbelief he was very wrong. He was angered by the fact that he'd let Renji console him the way did, all that did was make it harder for Ichigo to escape the idea of liking his friend as more than a friend.

He knew Renji had only done that to help him, as a friend, Ichigo never considered the possibility of anything else. Nor did Ichigo take the time to acknowledge that Renji was hinting, ever so slightly, at something more. Renji was wearing a bandanna with their trademark nickname fruits on it, even if the fruit side was hidden, he was being overly nice, cooperative and comforting.

Ichigo was at a loss, he _wanted_ to be around Renji, as much as possible even, but the more he was with him, the more those uncertain feelings would grow. He decided he needed some fresh air _alone_, so he could think clearly. Ichigo stormed out of the house after breakfast, leaving a confused Renji behind.

*


	5. Confessions Over Coffee

The Love of Friendship

Chapter 5: Confessions Over Coffee

A/N: Greetings readers~ So I started this story a long time ago (3 years ago!) and I haven't touched a fanfic in ages but I stumbled across a few reviews for this story in my email requesting updates, so here it is. This story was originally intended to be many (20+) chapters but since it's been neglected for so long I'm just going to try to wrap it so I can say it's complete. I'm not sure the tone of the story will be exactly in line with my original intentions; I've gotten a new computer and lost all of my old notes. Hopefully I can create a decent conclusion while staying true to the theme and style as well as the characters; it has been quite some time since I've even watched Bleach.

After a quick read-through I noticed several errors in punctuation, spelling, grammar, and missing words in the first few chapters, hopefully you'll see much less of that as I've gotten much better at writing. At least I'd like to think I have, go college XD

As always, reviews are appreciated; constructive criticism is the best help any writer could ever receive ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything associated with it.

* * *

Ichigo felt a bit guilty for leaving the way he did but he simply couldn't help it. His confusion was making him angry and he knew leaving was the only way to avoid saying or doing something he would later regret. The cool breeze caressed his warm skin as he walked along the small river, relishing in the autumn weather. He didn't realize it but Ichigo was following the same path he almost always took while mindlessly wandering the streets, before he knew it he would come to the park that contained just as many bad memories as good ones. The moment Ichigo laid his eyes on the soccer field, where he'd found his sister dying the night before in his dreams, he was filled with rage. Ichigo wanted nothing more than to destroy the entire park; he knew he was capable of such a feat but because it was Saturday, the entire park was littered with children, parents, and young couples.

Without giving much thought to what he was doing, Ichigo found a quiet spot near the edge of the park, almost in the nearby forest. He sat down with his back against a big, shady tree, closed his eyes then stepped out of his body. Looking back for only a moment, he checked to make sure he looked like he was sleeping then started running.

Blocking all thoughts from his mind, focusing only on the steady beat of his feet hitting the ground beneath him and his ever-increasing heart rate, Ichigo ran until the sun reached its highest point in the sky. Running away wasn't Ichigo's normal MO, he knew that, but he also knew this wasn't a problem he could solve with his sword or a fight. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing, all he knew for sure was that he had become hungry. It didn't take him long to find a small bush covered in ripe berries and begin devouring as many as he possibly could. Only moments later Ichigo had eaten too many berries and wandered to a nearby stream for a drink, his stomach discontented with the overfilling.

His thoughts were gone, his mind empty. Ichigo relished in this welcomed quiet while he sipped from the stream. He didn't have a plan, an idea, a goal, or any intentions, no purpose. It was the first time, in quite some time, that Ichigo had done anything just for himself. His "fieldtrip" didn't consider how he'd make the people around him feel. How they'd worry, or how they'd wonder what he was doing or where he'd gone. Ever since the war had come to a close Ichigo had been hiding, from the curious gaze of his family, the concerned shinigami, and the worry filled friends. He knew the shinigami would feel responsible for his current state if they could see it; showing the slightest hint of post-war trouble around them and he knew he'd find himself in "recovery" in sereitei's medical division.

He could handle it on his own, or so he thought. He'd seen plenty of battle before the war and survived just fine. It didn't take Ichigo long to come to the conclusion that running off the way he did would probably effectively land him in the medical ward he'd been trying so hard to avoid. _They'll be looking for me if I don't go back…_ Ichigo quickly reigned in his reiatsu as best as he could in an attempt to mask it.

He wasn't ready to go back, wasn't ready to deal with his changing emotions, wasn't ready to face Renji or anyone else. _No…especially Renji…_

* * *

Renji wandered aimlessly around town, hoping to just run into Ichigo. Maybe he'd made Ichigo uncomfortable the previous night, maybe Ichigo didn't know how to accept a shoulder to lean on, maybe he just didn't know how to accept help from another man.

Irritation flooded Renji's senses. _I was stupid to think it might work with Ichigo, I mean of course he doesn't want help, _my_ help. Asking another man for help must feel like a defeat to Ichigo, like it used to for me when I first joined the Gotei 13. I hoped that everyone getting together would show him that it's okay but he's still so young, I always forget how young Ichigo really is… He hasn't even lived a full life yet and he's dealing with the afterlife already…_

"Reeeeenji~!"

"Oooh Reeenji!"

A voice at the edge of Renji's conscious though pulled him from his thoughts.

"Oh hey Matsumoto," not exactly the person he wanted to see at that particular moment.

"Renji, you look so down! Let's go for coffee!" the big-busted woman grabbed Renji by the wrist without waiting for his response and dragged him into a nearby coffee shop. Renji was none too pleased when she forced him into a seat and whispered into his ear, "We wouldn't want to make a scene in front of all these humans now would we? So be a good boy for me and stay right here while I grab some coffee."

Only moments later, she returned with two steaming cups and a big smile. She sat quietly across from Renji, not saying anything, just waiting. She knew better than to push Renji into talking before he was ready, he'd never say a thing if she'd try to do that. Nearly a half hour had passed by, their cups nearly empty, and it was indeed Renji who broke the silence, just as she expected.

"I just don't know what to do," he confessed to her. "I tried to help him, I've been nice to him, I've dropped a few hints, and still he doesn't get it!"

Rangiku reached out to Renji in comfort, "Tell me more," she encouraged. It was true that Rangiku had a reputation for knowing all of the gossip in soul society, but it was also true that she was a trusted and loyal friend; she never spread information that was given to her in confidence.

Renji told her about the previous night, about Ichigo's nightmare and how he tried to make him feel better, about how they'd fallen asleep together and the awkwardness in the morning, about how Ichigo had been acting the past few days and his own true feelings.

"He hates me! I just know it, after this morning, it was so awkward, he has to hate me," Renji admitted in defeat.

"Renji," Rangiku had listened intently, careful not to interrupt, but it was her turn to speak now. "Have you tried looking at this a different way?"

He looked at her with a slightly confused expression. "What other way?" he inquired.

"Tell me," she prompted, "how did you feel when you first discovered your true feelings for Ichigo?"

"Well," Renji thought back for a moment. When had he discovered his true feelings? How _did_ he feel then? He thought back to a day in Soul Society, when he was drinking with a bunch of friends on a sunny afternoon. Someone had said something about Ichigo, and suddenly Renji had become overly defensive about the young shinigami. Yes, that was when he had realized it; he defended the boy, stating that none of them could have done what he's doing at his age if they were as young as him. Rukia was the one to realize exactly what Renji was feeling; she consoled him but he still didn't understand it, how it happened, why it happened, when it happened. His confusion had made him angry. "Angry," he finally answered. "I was very confused but mostly angry."

"What did that make you do? How did you react?"

"I ran away. I didn't face my feelings; I buried them and tried to hide them. I refused Living World missions for a while before I came to terms with it."

"Maybe he feels the same way you did then Renji, maybe he just doesn't know how to react to his feelings, like you didn't. It's possible that you both are sharing in the same thing right now, but Ichigo, he's younger and a human. It's going to be hard for him to accept those kinds of feelings for another male too, not to even mention dealing with that on top of his nightmares."

"So you think he's just angry because he doesn't understand what he's feeling, just like me? And he's just taking it out on his feeling for me?"

"Precisely!" she cheered.

"Well…I guess it's possible, but what do I do about it?"

"You confess to him of course! Like you were supposed to do in the first place!"

Renji blushed, confessing to Ichigo would certainly be an experience. "Rukia," Renji sighed, now understanding that it was the small woman who had sent Rangiku to check on Renji's progress with Ichigo.

"Yes Rukia sent me but I'm here because I want to be Renji, as your friend. Now go find Ichigo and tell him how you feel. After all, he's a guy just like you; you can't expect him to pick up on hints the way a woman might. Just be honest with him and with yourself, then deal with how Ichigo feels later, but chances are, you already know how he feels."

"Thanks Rangiku!" Renji really never had thought about it that way, it never occurred to him to say to himself "what would I do in his situation?" Sure, he'd been with a guy before, once or twice, but Ichigo was different. This wasn't about hooking up, this was about affection, desire, love. Renji was happy to have a plan now, a goal clearer than the one he'd had when he came to the Living World. He rushed out of the small café and began his search for the missing strawberry, Ichigo.


End file.
